Separate well with family mediation

If you and your partner are separating and are keen to work things out for yourselves with some expert help, family mediation could be the answer.

Family mediators are specially trained to help resolve disputes faced by separating families. Importantly, family mediators are impartial and they will not take sides. And even though some family mediators – like the ones at Mills & Reeve – are family lawyers too, they will not give specific legal advice either. What family mediators do is listen to find out what is important to you and help you to make your own choices and decisions about the best way forward. They will help you to reach practical solutions that work for your family.

What you need to know

Through a series of meetings, you, your ex and your family mediator will identify and work through the issues that need to be resolved. Your family mediator will help you and your ex to talk with each other and will encourage you both to find a way to reach an agreement that you are both content with. Your mediator is neutral and will not take sides. They will not give you specific legal advice, but they can give you general information about the legal process.

Your mediator may suggest other help, such as financial advice or support for your children. Between meetings, you may wish to meet with your family lawyer for advice. We highly recommend that anyone using family mediation also receives legal advice throughout the process so that you are aware of your legal position.

Once you and your ex have reached an overall agreement, your mediator will prepare a summary, which you can then each take back to your family lawyer. After you have both received legal advice and if you are both still happy with the agreement, your lawyers will convert the summary into a legally binding court order and help you to implement it.

There are many advantages to mediation:

  • You and your ex retain control of both the process and the outcome.
  • The mediator is there to help address any imbalance between you and to help break any impasse in your discussions.
  • It can help to maintain a level of co-operation between you and your ex, unlike the adversarial nature of court. It can improve your communication, which can be particularly important if you have children.
  • Mediation is usually much quicker and cheaper than going to court or negotiating through solicitors.

Family mediation is not suitable for all though. If there are allegations of domestic abuse, it can sometimes be better to go to court. This could be because there is an urgent need for a judge to be involved or due to the survivor of domestic abuse feeling uncomfortable with the idea of mediation. Each family is different and your family mediator will always consider with you whether they think it is safe to mediate.

Get in touch

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Our lawyers

Problems are often best solved when people talk. But sometimes you need a helping hand to get that conversation started, especially when talking face-to-face can seem like the hardest thing to do. Whether we're working with you as family mediators or supporting you through the mediation process as your independent family lawyer, we know that mediation can succeed even in cases that are complex or where agreement seems impossible.

Our family law team has always been committed to, and at the forefront of, finding better ways to resolve disputes. Our lawyers were among the first to train as family mediators.

  • Consultant Suzanne Kingston trains fellow mediators on how to use lawyer-assisted mediation. 
  • Alison Bull is trained to speak with children in the mediation process, is a trained civil commercial mediator, a professional practice consultant and sits on the Family Mediation Council board.
  • Tim Whitney is vice chair of Resolution’s Dispute Resolution committee.

Our experience

With family mediators in all our seven offices (and the option for remote mediation), we have the experience to offer you the full range of family mediation services wherever you live in England or Wales – and even if you live overseas.

Some examples from our recent mediation work are outlined below:

  • Following court proceedings over their children, we acted as a family mediator between the parents when the court order started to fall apart, resulting in the parents being able to positively co-parent going forwards.
  • Using lawyer-assisted mediation, we were able to successfully resolve a financial dispute in Jersey.
  • Mediation can be used in many different situations and it doesn’t always have to be about a relationship having broken down. We recently mediated a complex prenuptial agreement where the assets were valued at over £50 million.
  • Due to particularly high levels of conflict, this couple did not feel able to be in the same room together. However, our experience meant we had the confidence and skills to resolve their dispute safely and successfully.

Why choose family lawyers from Mills & Reeve?

  • We strive to offer an unrivalled client experience, keeping our values at the centre of our decision-making at all times.
  • We have a wealth of experience and expertise to provide you with practical advice relating to your case.
  • You'll find our offices in seven major cities across England, including London, Birmingham and Manchester.
  • We're recognised by prestigious legal bodies, including Legal 500, Law Society and Chambers and Partners.
  • Our family lawyers are members of Resolution, a national family justice organisation committed to finding non-confrontational methods of dealing with family law issues. Our work with them helps us to provide you with a conscientious, constructive, and cost-effective service. This defines our approach to everything we do.

Resources

A discussion between the familylawvlogger, Caitlin Jenkins and her Mills & Reeve colleague, Alison Bull about the various different options for sorting out family law issues whether to do with children or finance. They consider the full range of options and the factors you should bear in mind when choosing the option that suits you and your family.

Child inclusive mediation is mediation in which the mediator speaks to the children direct. But when is this type of mediation useful? And how does it work? In this vlog, the family law vlogger, Caitlin Jenkins, talks to her colleague Alison Bull, a mediator who is experienced in talking to children in mediation, discuss how child inclusive mediation.

Explaining family law podcast

Facing a family law issue and not sure what's involved? Our podcast is the right place to start.

Listen to our podcast

Family and children blog

Our family and children law blog provides practical advice and insight on a wide range of topics by our family and children lawyers.

Visit our blog

Navigating separation survey

Explore key findings from our YouGov survey on married individuals' views on family law issues and dispute resolution.

Read more

What our clients say about us?

“Mills & Reeve are committed to mediation and are very successful at it. The firm has embraced mediation (and ADR generally) very early on an has a great reputation for it.”

Legal 500

“Absolutely fabulous and mediates some very tricky situations with high-profile individuals.”

Legal 500

“Responsive, positive and helpful - all that I could have asked for from a mediator.”

A client

Our expertise

Alternatives to court
Separate well with collaborative law
Separate well with family arbitration
Separate well with one lawyer - reaching an agreement
Separate well with one lawyer - finalising your agreement

FAQs

Family mediation is a way for you and your ex to sort out differences between you without having to go to court. A specially trained family mediator helps you both to identify and discuss those differences and find a way to resolve them that suits you both.

Mediation isn’t free. Your mediator will tell you their rate when you contact them. They may charge by the meeting or by the hour. They may have a fixed rate for part of their service. If the issues between you and your ex include your children, you might be able to get a voucher worth up to £500 to pay towards the cost. And, if you are on a low income, you may be eligible for legal aid.

Mediation is a more flexible process and can be tailored to suit not only what you want to discuss but where and when you want to discuss it. You can choose your own mediator too. Family mediation is also private and confidential, as well as being quicker (and as a result cheaper) than going to court. For many families who use mediation, they like the fact that mediation helps you learn how to communicate with each other again and, because the agreement is something that you have both reached together rather than having imposed on you by a judge, it is more likely you will stick to it.

A mediation agreement is not legally binding. However, by taking it to a family lawyer, your mediation agreement can be turned into a legally binding court order.

Generally, you and your ex will each pay 50% of the costs of the mediation. However, you are free to decide how to split the cost between you both.

Yes, it is voluntary and you cannot be forced to use the process (although, if you are in court, judges may ask you to think again about using mediation and talk to a mediator to find out more).

Going to mediation isn't compulsory but taking steps to find out about it is required in most cases before making an application to the court.

If you're not able to reach agreement in mediation, you can ask a court - or an arbitrator - to make a decision. Your negotiations and proposals in mediation cannot be referred to in subsequent proceedings, although any factual information or documents you've provided can be.

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