Rugby player's sentencing highlights need for more conversations about healthy relationships
On 9 January 2025, former Scotland rugby captain Stuart Hogg was given a one-year community payback order for domestic abuse against his wife, Gillian. This highlights an uncomfortable reality: domestic abuse can take many forms and affect the relationships of even those who are publicly admired.
Stuart Hogg admitted to a range of abusive behaviours towards Gillian over a five-year period. These included shouting and swearing at her, tracking her movements, and sending alarming and distressing messages. The BBC also reported that sometimes he would send hundreds of text messages in a few hours, causing her severe distress.
This is a poignant example of how emotional, verbal and controlling abuse can manifest in ways that are not immediately visible to the outside world.
Disagreements or abuse: recognising the difference
What constitutes normal behaviour as opposed to abusive behaviour often becomes blurred in times of heightened emotions, such as the breakdown of a relationship. Disagreements and arguments are a normal part of any relationship however when these disagreements escalate and become frequent forming a pattern, it might be a sign of something more serious.
Often survivors of more subtle forms of abuse struggle to recognise it. They may excuse or downplay the behaviour for reasons such as extreme stress, financial difficulties or drunken behaviours. They may question whether their situation is “bad enough” or feel ashamed to speak out.
This is why publicised cases like this, where the abuse is more subtle, are so important in breaking the stigma around different forms of abuse which some survivors may dismiss. Emotional and psychological abuse does not form part of a healthy relationship dynamic and can be just as serious as physical violence.
Spotting the signs of a healthy relationship
As a public figure in a sport loved by many, Stuart Hogg is often seen as a role model, particularly by young people. This highlights the critical importance of promoting healthy, respectful relationships and helping young people differentiate between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, even when it comes from those in influential positions who they look up to.
Some signs of a healthy relationship include:
- Open and honest communication
- Mutual respect
- Trust and loyalty
- Support and encouragement
On the other hand, some signs of an abusive relationship may include:
- Consistent criticism and belittling
- Fear of conflict and walking on eggshells
- Control and manipulation
- Isolation
Understanding and promoting what a healthy relationship looks like is crucial to helping prevent abuse and fostering and encouraging healthy relationships. It's also important to show young people that healthy relationships are enriching and supportive and do not condone toxic behaviours.
We have provided some resources below about healthy relationships which can be useful in spotting signs of abuse.
Legal framework available
For many survivors of domestic abuse, the thought of confronting their partner in a legal setting can feel daunting and overwhelming, often compounded with feelings of shame or fear of judgment. However, by fostering greater awareness and understanding, we can encourage more individuals to access the protections available to hold perpetrators accountable. For more detailed information on the legal frameworks available, please read our previous blog.
If you are looking for advice or support for domestic abuse, our family lawyers are nationally recognised for supporting and providing expert advice to both female and male survivors and can be contacted easily by phone or email.
Northern: Claudia Gilham
Midlands: Katherine Kennedy
London and the East: Zoe Fleetwood
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