5 top tips for co-parenting over Christmas

Christmas and the holiday season can be a magical time for families, especially children. But there is also a lot to think about, and even more so when you share the care of your children with an ex-partner. It can help to step back and remember what it is all for.

Above all, you both want the children to enjoy their Christmas and create special memories of the holidays for years to come. As the season fast approaches, it’s time to start thinking about how you and your ex-partner are going to co-parent and in this blog, we set out 5 top tips to make this a little easier.

Plan Early

No one wants to be arguing over pick-up on Christmas Eve. One of the best things you can do to make the holidays easier is to plan and agree child arrangements early. Not only will this mean that you can make special plans with the children, but it will avoid any last-minute arguments and stress.

The easiest way of doing this is to get a calendar up and running, clearly marking each day with timings and handover locations. You could do this on a parenting or calendar app, via solicitors or via email or messenger- whatever works for you and your co-parent. The key is to try and get it agreed early, which may mean some compromises on both sides so that you can both relax into the holiday season.

Liaise about presents

Everyone wants to be the one who got their child the best present. Talk to your co-parent about what the children want for Christmas and then try and divvy up the gifts fairly between you. It can be confusing for children if one parent gets them almost everything on their list, whilst the other doesn’t. They might start wondering why that is, prompting awkward questions to you both.

Instead, work together to make sure that you both get them presents that they can enjoy. If there is one big present your child wants, then it’s even better if it can be given jointly by you both. Not only will you both get the ‘credit’ for the present, but it shows a unity and togetherness in front of your child that has value over and above whatever you spent on a toy.

Communicate about Santa

What Santa means and does in each household is different, and you may also have children coming up to an age where they are questioning whether Santa even exists! No matter what your situation, make sure you’re on the same page about Santa.

It can be confusing for a child to be told Santa comes down a chimney with a bag full of presents in Daddy’s house but comes through the letterbox with just one special gift in Mummy’s house. Why is there such a difference? Does Santa prefer them at Daddy’s house? What’s wrong with the chimney at Mummy’s house? Avoid the uncertainty for them, and try and agree on how Santa has a role in your family as a whole.

Make handovers special, or at least civil

Unfortunately, handovers can sometimes become mini-battle grounds. Handovers should always be civil in front of the children, but try and make extra effort over the holidays. This is a special time for the children and the last thing they’ll want to see is their parents fighting or being rude to each other when they change households.

If you and your co-parent need to discuss something about the children, then have that conversation separately before or after handover (such as by phone call, app or messenger) rather than in front of the children. Instead, try and make their handovers special by asking what they just did with your co-parent for Christmas, and getting them excited about what they will do with you. Small interactions like this will shape their childhood memories of these holidays.

Don’t guilt the children

A child wants to enjoy their holidays without feeling like they’ve let either parent down. Be conscious of the language that you use around your children when they travel to see their co-parent; you shouldn’t make them feel guilty for leaving you or enjoying time with your ex.

It can be tempting to make negative comments about your ex or say how sad you will be without them, but this can have a real effect on young children. You can be honest with them and say that it is okay to miss the other parent during the holidays; this will help them to feel validated and safe with you. But you should reassure them that you will be okay and that they are going to enjoy their time with their other parent.

From everyone at Mills & Reeve, we wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

If you need more support in working with your co-parent, then you can get in touch with one of our specialist family lawyers.

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